Mind Games

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:04:17 GMT

In life, we all have been through that awkward phase, that dreadful little incident [or two] that almost scarred us but also shaped us into what we are now. Our personification of beliefs and characterization of perception versus societal expectation insofar mining us to propel to a certain standardization, if not conformation.

Isn't that why we all embrace diversity? Especially so in our community that is represented by alternatives. That difference in lifestyle, in taste, in speech, in freedom, in needs, in desires, and in connections. Therefore the dreaded is all the judgment that we do not need. We are not represented by a social norm, and refused to be in unison with the majority.

But that does not brush aside the fact that no matter what is the skin colour, how we look, or what language we speak, we still have that insecurity. That one thing we do not understand, nor could have made peace with. It is that roadblock in life, and that detour we have to take to get to where we want. It might take a little concealing, and a whole lot of convincing, to achieve assurance. - to fit into social norms. Otherwise it's inevitable to fall into the trap of social caste system. But it begs the question 'why are we so obsessed with acceptance, when such ideal is imperfect in the first place as everything is different'?

Flaws and such, the path to attainment of perfection is endless, as when there's struggle, there's room for improvement. That said, it made me wonder about my personal achilles' heel.

You know that quiet awkwardness between strangers especially when two person just met, and the mind wonders over the kind of topic bonding? On one hand you do not want to go overboard on the taboo things to talk about, while on the other you do not want to come across as anti-social.

Sometimes I admit I rather not sprout nonsense for fear of offending, and that, in turn seem to build an invisible fence that drift me away from social technicality. It just made me seem like the quiet, shy, altruistic guy. I think some might see me as aloof and cold, even snobbish.

I wish I can explain - that I'm the sort who quietly observe and access my move, as I do not want to border on being shabby or lack in any form of presentation. It's my way of showing basic courtesy to acquaintances. I warm up to people a tag later, and I build on foundation as I get to know a person.

Of course, I get my lesson learnt when I bared too much too soon when I'm younger. I get teased a lot, and definitely got judged quite a bit, and my mind wanders when the hearsay feedback to me. In reality, the grapevine grows fast, and the handling of others' personal attack can be tricky and vicious when you don't have much support to stand by you, due to bottling up too much.

That variation in many forms of emotions in diversity is a good indicator that chemistry is still key. I hope despite me being quiet [as a shield but not a facade!] will not be mistaken as being a lone ranger. I still smile, I don't bite, and I definitely am a happy person. I'm not glum just because I don't smile. Maybe I do not know how to break the ice at circumstances.

Even introverts are mistaken as emotionally-inward person. I read from somewhere that introverts are not anti-social nor necessary quiet. They just choose who and how to break out of their shell and socialize. In short, they are like extroverts just that introverts are more selective and decisively sociable.

To sum it up, every insecurity is part of a package that makes us who we are. The important point is, to know how to counter that and make it work for you. I still believe in the saying that there is always a silver lining in the dark clouds, even though it doesn't change the fact that I take longer time to warm up to people, but what's a little detour as long as I still get to my destination?

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 16:17:13 GMT

I used to shrug off those moments in sitcoms featuring reality life [all the chick flicks, lol]. And by 'moments' I meant situations dealing with love, relationships, dating, career, family, etc.

Reason being I was only a teenage dirtbag, how can I be bothered with such issues when the only thing on my mind is to get good grades? Plus I do not have the means to date - no money, no honey, baby..
And those days, I have low social esteem. I think I'm not good enough, you know, being underdeveloped physically, [scrawny and everything] and insecured about my look and style department.

Obviously challenged in so many ways I prefer to let the issues be dealt with later on in life. [When I turn adult to be exact.] So I just laughed at those characters with issues to deal with, and saw it as a self-deflating joke.

And turning adult now, I realised there are more than meet the eyes. Only now then I realised I have to laugh at myself. Duh! Those 'moments' in sitcoms are indeed surreal! I couldn't help but wonder, is relationships key to everything?

Those shows depicted what will happen, and how the characters dealt with it, but they are mostly neurotic people! How will I know if it work in real life. The thing is, it doesn't teach one how to react mentally, and those recurring feeling that goes through my emotional health is left stranded.

Thus, I was mentally challenged when I started my dating ritual in my recent adulthood.

I shall spare the boring dates I have, trust me, nothing outstanding, only outlandish, but I shall proceed to showcase the following faux pas in dating.

My dating peeves list follows:

1) Don't you hate it when your date attend to the cell phone? [Stop messaging, stop talking on the phone unless it's like family emergency.] If not I'll think I am not important enough for you to focus on, either that or you are one hell of a multi-tasking *insert*

2) Offering to pay is nice, even if I insisted on paying. It shows you're committed to the date to share the cost, no? Or at least offer to pay the next time round, it throws the hint that there will be a second date!

3) Looking at that hottie who walks by whilst I talking to you? Pass the jam, babe, I'm outta here, player.

4) Personal hygiene issues. Unkept hair, nostril hair, bad breath, ok - enough said.

5) Ask questions, [show interest in vice versa manner] don't just keep rattling off about your life, achievements, issues - yawns.

6) Awkward silence.

7) Attend to people/friends/random acquaintance you meet along the way for way too long, leaving your date like an idiot who doesn't know where else to look, stare, smile, or do. It's tiring to pretend to smile along, baby.

8) Give false hope. Mean it if you say you gonna call. If not, saying 'it's nice meeting you' suffices. Period.

9) Gone totally wasted, and then flirt with a random ugly person, which invloves kissing - a peck is just as deadly, none the discount.

10) [This happened to my friend.] You look totally different from your photo *exclamation* It's the same effect as saying 'yes' when a girl asks if she is fat! On the other hand, exercise caution, paying too much praises on first date can give the wrong signal that you are superficial [which happens to moi, lol..]

Lastly, boiling hot one raging moment, and then turning cold turkey next is a sure turn off. Be it being indecisive, or some mind games you're playing, it's not fun. Stop. You know some people wait 3 days to call back, a certain number of rings to pick up that phone, and/or replying to the message after few hours interval. We all want that someone to be interested but not on purposeful disinterest.

The real classic? I'll call you back, and never did.

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 09:14:26 GMT

Someone pasted this on my common lift, and I thought, "Isn't it nice to have a stranger spreading the festive joy to share amongst the common neighbour's surrounding?!"

I think we need more self-initiated people to do one small bit to make our surrounding an even better one!

In a twist

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:30:56 GMT

The clock strikes twelve, and the air turns still.
Breathing behold, the heart thumps aplenty.
Loneliness creeps out, fooling around with the darkness.
Like a playground to the silence, at the fingertips of the mind.
Twisting the soul, the body smirks wryly.
It's time to sleep, to lay bare such deep thoughts.
Cutting the chase, surrendering to the moonlit dreams.
When the time slips by, no moment can savage the act.
Leaving only the ghost of memories, the remnant cuts deep.
Just then, the reverie begins.

Present perfect

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 16:28:41 GMT

It's been a while since I last received present, let alone so many at one go.

Well, I realised the joy in giving is more than receiving of course, as any self-respecting selfless guy would say. But then again, cliches are really passe. I don't really need people to buy me stuff, I can jolly well buy me things I fancy.

I think the real joy is not in receiving presents anymore, it's in opening the presents!

Marvel at the effort people put in to source for the things for u, and of course most importantly, every present reveal what other think of you. It is reflective of your personality in a way.

So amongst all the things I received this year, the weirdest is this:

Does that mean I have got black heads to clear? hahaha.. Anyway, I rather receive other types of heads. Lol......

Time flies, just like this, one year has passed. It felt like yesterday when I received this in a lucky draw dip. The hard liquer is still untouched, but I've emerged a little wiser, older, and hopefully experienced.

Let's hope for the best to usher in a better year coming 2008!

Life version 2.0 - extension pack.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 16:03:28 GMT

Briefly, as a boy who thought he lost something, has sudden crave for material in the non-maternal world.

He realised that money can't buy everything, but it sure can relieve momentarily loss of direction. It provided the goal of search in the endless turns of malls after malls, lingering aftertaste the footsteps to the material paradise, a doormat where wearing the brands on the sleeve is not for pure likeness of products, but also for the concept behind the branding, and the link of the quality lifestyle.

Is it a case of fear of how others perceive him? Or perhaps a case of trying to defy the age-old stereotyping of a person given the fondness for labels.

Slowly but surely, he made his way, finally.. after a dream of owning a piece of heaven for some long period of time, struggling to convince brands are non as exclusive as style from individual pieces be it vintage or otherwise. But still, brands are there for a purpose - to define a certain set of rules and way of life. Wayward indeed, but mutually exclusive to logic.

He went into Prada. Picked up a piece. And off to Tiffany & co. Saw a piece that sparkle. And then to Louis Vuitton. Enquired on an acquired classic piece.

The classics will be here to stay, an investment on humanitary wellness of the soul and attention. What a way to put it, but whatever that rocks his boat.

There must be a lifestyle tuning as well, he decided. Tanning sessions, and yoga lessons nonwithstanding, he embarked on reinvention overhual. Mass corporate gym giantic sessions to come next? Whatever that serves his purpose in seeing things through a malifying glass. Everything is enlarged on a purpose.

What's next to come? Every boy needs his toys - gadgets. An upgrade to his cell phone is on the callcard, and off to a better cellphone that is packed with a punch. 5 megapixel cellphone with camera - checked. Of course, there are certain phones now already armed with 5 megapixel goodness, the question is which brand to follow and chop the loyalty? The brand that the boy can identify with, obviously. It's not just a choice of popularity contest amongst the masses, but also a choice of how the product brand fits into his lifestyle. Of course he picked one that is lusted after, with the wow factor, and is not yet widely owned by his peers but aimed by most. He wanted to be the first to own it to lay off any copycat accusations that are not only childish but as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sometimes, better to avoid than to be dealt with. In this case, the boy rather choose to fill his own void with stuff that is tagged with idealistic price. After all, life is fragile, the lost of 5 lives recently suddenly served a reminder to sit back and kick off a little pampering on oneself. Afterall, who will pamper him if not for himself? Why do we need loss to remind us of the loss we shall face if not for the lack of action and compassion?

One can judge the following that one has just read, but that only goes to prove that labelling still prevails, and thus shall justify the independance of trying to shrug off anybody who wants to pinpoint the choice made individually. I say, Gucci strap and diamond stud next?

My rights to the plates..

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:22:36 GMT

You are having a wonderful meal with your friend, sharing good food, great setting, marvellous conversation, good hearty laughter.

"Excuse me, can I clear this?" asked the service crew.

Not only are you being interrupted by the break of momentum in the flow of conversation, you often find yourself having to excuse the crew checking out the table for empty plates.

I couldn't help but wonder, what is the hurry to clear the plates?

If we, glorious customers that we are, did not complain about having those empty plates left on the table reminising the good food that we just had, I do not think that the service crew should so be on the ball, constantly checking out for plates that they can clear.

Are they trying to act busy so that the boss will not think of them as slacking?

Or are they indirectly driving the customers away, sending a hint to finish the food and leave so that more customers can come in and take the seats?

Don't tell me they are so zesty in their job that they can't wait to wash the plates?

Either way I think we are paying for food and service, which mean we have the right to have our peace at least to sit through the food and not being interrupted with the crew constantly checking for things they can clear. I don't see that the crew are just as enthusiastic about seeing we are satisfied with the food and order.

I have this habit of telling off service crew whenever they try to clear the food away from my table. At least not at the midst of me still eating and touching other food even though some plates are empty.

"Can I clear this?" asked the god-forbidden question.

"No, can't you see I'm still eating?" I snapped.

Sometimes within minutes another clueless crew will come over, "Hi, can I have the other plate?"

"Excuse me, can't you see there is still food/sauce/etc on the plate?" I rolled my eyes.

"Can I take this?" getting on my nerves obviously.

"Can you please come back only after I'm done eating and not touching any food anymore?!" I begged for mercy. There are no more new order and definitely the plates won't jam up the table.

I have no qualms if this is a hawker, but isn't there any service sensitivity anymore in cafes and restaurants?

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:02:58 GMT

The fear of rejection is brewing strong, so much so that the aroma of attraction is in the air, stirring in the teacup filled with nerves breaking to the brim.

A koi in the pond

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 09:12:47 GMT

The pond stays still as no movement was detected in the serenity of the illusion it eludes. Cool, calm, collated, almost abandoned by the worldly clauses. In the corner lays a koi, keeping still, only to come out to the surface to take a breather, to take in the view of the nature.

The occasional ripples are an act of dilemma- are the bubbles emitted due to tears of loneliness? Or is it a stir of the bodily movement to get discovered?

Slowly but surely, the koi moves to from one end to the other, only to be greeted by cold walls despite the obvious. The concerted efforts it begets are of how nature ages along with it. The sun blared cheerily on most days, whilst the gloomy rain washes away the emotional baggage on occasional wet spells.

The koi remains unmoved, diverting its attention instead to daydream, of hoping one day there will come a lake full of its kind.

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:47:10 GMT

When the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping..

Have a cut

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 15:08:58 GMT

Most things in life cannot be split equally. Some things just cannot be measured that right in two equal size. Even if it can, the focus on making it even would very much take out the meaning of the duality of the predictability.

Life is beautiful because of the unforeseen, therefore the fascination with fate, destiny, and the likewise. Even more so because the extreme polar opposite exists.

Take a mango for instance, it is almost impossible to split it in equal half, one half will have to undertake the baggage of the extra seed. Some things when split in half will wind up with some getting the bigger baggage, some getting the shorter yardstick, whilst some getting the bonus of the extra stuffings.

Which often leads to comparison. Equality - people fight for it for as long as eternity. Rights vs discrimination, just how to disseminate fairness in the toll?

In the far end of the political spectrum, when it comes to love, couples also voice out the need to co-own individual territory early in the dating game, maturity notwithstanding. It is almost like an innate animal instinct instill to act on. One has to undertake the more dominating role, while the other has to play the submissive role, one has to be more giving, while the other is more on the receiving end. One has its own share of duties, while the other undertake the other responsibilties. The result is to make two ends meet, to make one half of two full, and not to split the tasks into equal parts to be shared. but to share the total in similar capacity [but not necessarily equal] proportions.

When a couple split, it is always almost never easy. One has to bear more responsibilities, one has to go through more hurt, whilst the other has to pick up more pieces of consequences. It is never fair to access who gain or who lose, because it is never about that, but about the person you've become because of the other.

We all know it is almost impossible to have the cake and eat it too. It is also thus not about fighting for the bigger share of the pie, but to have the taste of the pie. The richness, intensity, and aftertaste of the pie lies on individual assessment of priorities.

Do you want a split of it just because everyone else is having it? Do you want to just fill your stomach? Do you want the premier tasting of having tried it? Do you want it because it is there in front of you? Or do you want it because you don't have it? Whatever the reason, as long as it completes you, with one half that might or might not come with an equal split of icing. [Cherry comes separately.]

We are all in search for that equal split, but we know it is never really equal, but we are willing to fight for the chance to have that half split -big or small - it is the only fairness we can apportion for ourselves.

The uncompounded

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 08:23:30 GMT

The sound of silence is loudest when memories concoct replays of elapsing time.

The ever non forgiving tick and tock that raise a certain disquiet demeanour, paving the way to path of condescending recluse.

The quest of happiness doesn't lie in your own hands afterall, as fate has a reputation of playing tricks - a license to kill without warning, in non-regretable, non-apologetic, and non-conforming fashion, almost comrade to the often defunct masochism.

With a shrug, and a destitude discernment, I guess the contestables have to be taken in stride with a pinch of salt shaken with introspection coupled with absoluteness.

The last day

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:01:07 GMT

Today marks the last day of my first job upon graduation. It sure feels heart warming when all my colleagues wish me well endeavour.

I can still remember vividly the feeling of adapting to working life and working colleagues which wasn't exactly a piece of cake. Having to deal with politics and people is no mean feat, it sure gets some leap from what you reap.

The transition period is not easy, especially when I felt discouraged from dealing with nasty customers, making mistakes, and sacrificing personal time. But it did help that the colleagues are helpful, and the working environment soon turn into family oriented breathing space.

I actually wished for the last day to come so that I can change job! One year I give myself, to suffer before I change job to something more substantial. Now may be 10 months' time, but it is already long enough for me to grow attachment to the people there. Not all though, there are some irritating pricks, but most are nice people.

Overall, it was heart felt, I gave everybody a pen holder as farewell gift, and they got me a card holder. Was surprised by the people sharing the gift for me though.

And my work cliques actually made an effort to go out for a farewell lunch and dinner, which I think is thoughtful and wonderful.

Well, an era has ended, but I roughly get a better idea of the career path I want to move along. Fingers crossed.

The road ahead

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:26:12 GMT

Life is like driving in a dark and winding road with just headlights on. You can never see more than 200 metres ahead, but based on what you can see in front of you and moving forward, it'll eventually bring you to your destination.

Dollars and sense

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 14:07:14 GMT

Economists, financial planners, bankers, and all the what-not money gurus always say investment is important as a form of growing savings. Well, in case you are wondering, I'm not here to challenge that today.

Because I'll need a thesis to prove my otherwise point of view.

[And also mostly because I don't have the time. Rather, I'm not paid to do that, and I'm busy saving up my money]

When I tried to survey people around me, what do they think is the right way to save, the first thing they replied, [even before the answer] is "I'm Fucking Broke!"

And that is the first week of the salary distribution date!

Why then this common sight? Is this getting more of a trend, a phenomenon? That everyone is the same, so it is a natural progression? Or a sign that we need to start sourcing around for a personal financial guru to help grow our money? I bet that gonna cost money as well.

I hope I do get to beg to differ.

I couldn't help but wonder, are we the master of our own fate here, or are we going to fall prey to the money-splurging worldwide habit? What with all the retail stores, banking facilities, and conmen alike, are we, poor men only getting poorer, while the rich gets richer?

Well, one thing for sure that I realised is how most people define savings. And that is a simple equation of :

S = I - E

Simply put, Savings equal to Income minus all Expenditure.

So, we only save after spending the needs and wants. It is in a liquid form in that way. It can be more, or less, depending hugely on one's discipline.

How many people we know are financially disciplined? [laugh out loud]

But today I think we should all change that mindset. And it is that simple. I realised that every month I ended up poorer, if not a little far off from my target of savings with that god-forbid obscene sum of money.

I realised that I should simply shift that formula to make ends meet [a little more la].

That is,

E = I - S

From now onwards, I will have a target saving sum [that cannot be touched, no matter how hard up I am - pun not intended though]

My expenditure will revolve after how much I set aside in solid form that cannot be touched no matter how hard I shake, thrust, swirl, moan and whine.

Thus, may I present...

Expenditure = Income minus Savings.

Simple! It doesn't take a statistician to come up with that at all!

Hope this helps!

Amen

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 15:39:46 GMT

Bought this Thierry Mugler perfum yesterday for only $49! It's a good deal given the fact that it is 50% off from its retail price of $98.

It comes with a 50ml perfum, 50ml shampoo, and 50ml moisturiser!

And I'm such a sucker for packaging. Isn't this metal casing cool?

But of course I know why it is offering such crazy sale given the original perfum per se. Because the box's packaging may have rough edges of bit dents here and there due to storage malfunction. I could see the box already have slight scratches. Nevertheless, as long as the perfum is intact [which it is perfectly fine], I am cool with the sale which is so worth the value of purchase!

Moreover, I've already aimed for this A*Men for quite some time, what a timely purchase this is.

And the free vials that come with it!

The bond borne within

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 11:35:13 GMT

When I was still a student not too long ago, one of my favorite day is thur where I'll volunteer to buy The Straits Time instead for the weekly dose of Urban mag. It has thus became a habit for me to religiously follow up every thurs, and even my mum will remind my dad eventually not to buy paper on thurs.

And during my 1 week odd away from home, without my having to inform anyone prior to help me buy this time round, my mum actually kept the copy of Urban and even bought 8 days [another cult religion of mine] and placed it on my table.

Imagine how endearing it is to return home, tired and drained, but to find something that meant so much to you is specially prepared for you by someone who meant just as much, if not more.

Ipso facto, these without having the verbal communication and just by telepathic mutual understanding shared between 2 person is one of the more amazing bond that can ever be borne.

2-week hell

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 08:56:24 GMT

My foray into the first ever ICT was not marked up to my 'gratification' expectation. First off, as with any self respecting image-conscious well-groomed men can attest to, the first wave of fear is to get pass the warrants.

True enough, none of the proning, pillar hiding, shifty eyed positions that I picked up, if not from camp to 'escape shit load', can help me get that life pass.

Walking towards the barber, I could felt myself in grave disappointment of how my salon-coifed hair in the high works and efforts of my celebrated hairstylist would turn out. I could almost picture my hairstylist friend faint upon having to fix the damage.

Upon reminding the barber twice about not taking it any shorter, with a cool grunt, zipped off went my hair - all of 2 inch plus in good glory.

Excuse me for being exagerating perhaps, but again, any self respecting image-conscious well-groomed men would know in a minute detail that hair indeed frame the face like petals to a flower.

To add oil to fire, my mildly tinted colour is also not spared with a disgruntled brush of black dye combed painfully in my painstakingly black face. Talk about matching hues.

"$20, thank you." Out stretched the perhaps condemned hands of many before.

My unforgiving hands paid obligingly, in what I thought was way overpriced than the history of fake imitation rip-offs.

I also have to forsake my freshly pierced ear and now it is closed officially. Damn.

And all these for the supposedly short ICT period of 2 weeks!?!

Imagine the damages caused just for the short break? A disruption indeed and to label the system a pest is way under-rated.

Now my other worry is of how much those dust is gonna settle on my well scrubbed face and cause blemishes?

So many trivia yet relevant and emotionally drained thoughts, disturbing on many levels, but of course, the price to pay for a self respecting image-conscious well-groomed metrosexual of today, correction, future-years.

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 12:58:31 GMT

I think that the greatest invention is the tissue paper. Imagine how much less hassle we have now due to its existence.

crackle over cracked

Wed, 16 May 2007 16:31:47 GMT

The stupiest thing happened to me today. And It involves something long, something thick, something free, something juicy.

Before your mind drifts off....

I can't believed I got frost bitten! And I thought it is a thing that only occur in the Artic or somewhere with winter season.

My company was handling out free popsicles, and thinking it was a great break from my working routine, I planted my lips freely on the ice cold stick.

Man that was a mistake, in spilt seconds I realised I couldn't remove my lips from it, and all I could churn out was a soft yep of 'ouch' which inevitably caught the attention of my colleagues around me.

Soon enough laughters ensued, and it took me another few seconds to 'dispatch' my kissing tool away from the desperate man stick.

Then my colleague exclaimed, "Hey you are bleeding."

I looked at my lips and there was blood on it. I wouldn't say it hurt but it sure make me extra conscious.

Bleeding notwithstanding, the look on my face as caught by my colleagues are sure priceless, what an embarassment, oh god, can I kiss and make up for it?

Sun, 06 May 2007 09:18:36 GMT

Have you ever wonder how have those people whom you've met years ago whom have made an impact in your life are getting along now?

Losing in touch with people like that has taken its round of sentimental value on me.

Sometimes, I walk on the street and I think is this person who pass me by someone whom I've interacted before?

"Is he the guy whom I've talked to in camp?"

"Is she the girl who broke my crayon in kindergarden?"

"Is he the one who sneaked into the teachers' office with me?"

"Is she the one who gave me my first present in life?"

I remembered there is this girl in kindergarden whom I've played with on close term, and after class we would held hand and walked around the compound, until our parents/guardians came to pick us up respectively. And while our parents/guardians talk, we would continue to pretend to pick flower, throw stone, helped each other stay away from ants, and all the childlike innocent acts.

And on one occasion, she invited me to her birthday party. I remembered I bought her my first present in my life, as picked by me and my mum together. And when I got to her party, it was the first time in my life that I saw so many presents that struck me in awe. I was still a kid, and presents stacked in mountain form intrigued me.

I secretly wish I have party like this, and presents to unwrap with after the party hours, and memories to last me a lifetime.

I never did have a party with presents like those I witnessed, even though I secretly wish that one day, someone will organise a party for me, and I have presents to make others envy of.

I can't pretty much remember the days of how much else we played, as it is not registered in my memory space as of this moment, but I do wonder how this person is getting along. Is she married with kids? Has she emigrated? Is she a successful career woman? But such are the wonders of uncertainty. We may not have any much more emotional attachment with this bypasser, but we do wonder how he/she look like now, and how are they getting along in life.

And there is this boy in my pre-primary days. I can't command the reason, but I remembered being a sadist. I would demand he answer my questions and be under my order. And since he doesn't retaliate, I would use my crayon and draw on him. I would secretly gang up against him and bully him in little ways. But after few days, my teacher ask me to stay back, and that was when I realised the boy's mother has came to complain to the teacher. After that, I never ever talk to him again. But I still wonder how he look like now?

Along the way there are many more people who have crossed my path. It might be the one whom I've worked with in camp. It might be the one I went to school with everyday. But every now and then I just think back and ponder. And those are the days technology did not catch up with us, and there are no convenience of cell phone numbers to be exchanged.

Ultimate Platinum

Wed, 02 May 2007 14:18:19 GMT

Woo Hoo! Received the mail for my first credit card today!

Not that it's a big deal, as most people will have one anyway [or more], I'm just happy that I managed to get my first credit card after starting work!

After contemplating for a while, I decided that UOB Platinum shall be my choice.

Many first to come. [Fingers crossed]

fish out of water

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:46:51 GMT

Even with the sun, a day is not always bright and cheery with energy - it casts shadows over objects.

Even with the rain, the downpour may be cold, but it is not always dampening - because it washes the dirt away.

There are a million ways to look at one object. It's not what you see, but how you see it that matters. What may be right to one may be wrong to others. What is trash to one may still be treasure to another.
Everything has its own strengths and weaknesses, it's substantial to know the relevant, but it's also important to not focus on either of it, but to embrace both.

We all are idealist in our own rights, we get ideas, drives, and vision of what perfection should look or feel like. But sometimes to move on, we have to let go of our own attachment of concepts to better create a future. We can't live in the past, or the dwelling will take one out of the present.

When we lose track of our direction, our sense of being, or righteousness, we can always count on those close to us to mirror back a reflection, because sometimes we just can't fault ourselves due to pride. Just like a mirror itself, it can never see itself, but it is able to reflect what others need to see.

The irony is to change or not to change. We do want to change, to make ourselves fit in, but does that take away our original self? And if we are adamant about not changing, then does that compromise our standing? Are we being ourself by changing or not changing then? I guess it leads to the constructiveness of it all. Everybody seeks a constructive relationship, and if in doing the relevant changing or not changing in fact can bring out the betterment of each other, then that is what matters most. But if it is more destructive than before, than it is cause for concern.

Why must something big happen before one is prepared to weather the storm? Are there signs that we simply ignored or are there delusion we simply just kept in denial? If we let it go then it is sweeping dust under the carpet, but if we blow it out of proportion then we must be prepared to face the music.

Time seems to stop track on my path. The journey seems bumpy and the direction lost all of a sudden. But I've already travelled so far, what's a lost boy got to do?
When a tree falls, the bird will lose its habitat too..

same old brand new irony

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 15:19:13 GMT

Being sick can be a nuisance when it drains your energy away.

But it can also help you to not focus when you needed to get away.

On a side note, there was great intertia and lots of mixed reactions when we have to move office.....to the next building [like duh!]. But today I find my new cubicle to be newer, better, and fresher smelling. It's all good!

The old office was too cold, the new one is warm. [like duh again!]

I faced certain challenges and irritating customers on a daily basis, [like, dragged for 15 mins] but thank god I have great colleagues to offer their assistance when I needed help [like, solved in 5 mins].

When one door shuts, another window opens. But even when the windows are suddenly slammed shut, I can always count on my aircon. [Winks]

I was chatting merrily with my colleagues, then I received news from my friend that her dad has passed away. No reasons cided yet, but will be heading to the wake soon.

Don't you just love and hate life?

in his shoes

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 16:21:04 GMT

There is this deep impending thought.

The mind-drifting, body-jiggling kind of nervousness that runs down the spine with each running thought.

The path one may dread for not threading the right step.

Have you listen carefully to what he wants? Or are you just an idealist that only reaches down to what you think he wants, and only provide an earful to cover the bare minimum as the music to your ear is what you want to listen?

Have you paid enough attention to what he wants? There is a difference to knowing what he wants and thinking you know what he wants, and giving what he wants as opposed to what you need.

Don't think of matters as being that simple, we are complex to begin with, thus how can we sum up matters with basic red, blue and white?

The world would be boring if everybody think alike, with a straight path to follow for certain rules to abide by strictly in formula.

It is not easy to meet others' expectations, but it is not difficult to try. All you need to do is to pay a little more attention, and listen.

The worst kind of loneliness is to be beside the person, and yet you still feel empty. Not the kind of miss and pine when he is not around.

The worst kind of gratitude is to greet the other party with temper, as clearly lame if masqueraded by whatever reason one can come up with for being real in front of that person, because, really, if you truly care, you care not to flare.

The worst kind of misunderstanding, is to not understand the person, and in the process faulted not for trying, but faulted for not in gel with your train of thoughts or actions.